Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Dog For Sale ....

Free to good home.

Excellent guard dog.

Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as 'Holy Shit.'

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"Fresh Chicken 4 Sell" !!

I just spotted this advert on a notice board in one of our malls here in Nairobi this morning as I was picking up my morning dose of double cappuccino and it made me chuckle ......

And I'd just like to reiterate how jolly FRESH these chickens obviously are
- as it seems they are actually still very much alive !!!

(Think it's a bit of do-it-yourself killing and plucking on this one.
Mmmmm - think I'd rather have the spinach quiche myself!~)

Monday, March 17, 2008

Nee Naw Nee Naw Nee Naw ......

Good Luck with the trip,
Let's just hope you'll make it ......

Monday, March 10, 2008

Woman will love this, not sure about the men though!!!!


This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets
rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editor's
choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and
down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about
the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely
realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my
friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's
testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he
thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me
to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these
words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your
tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling,
laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be
anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Friday, March 7, 2008

Let's hope that's all he needs just now !

"Honey, I'm just popping to the shops for a packet of milk!"

Report from the press this morning;

"The Zimbabwe currency tumbled to a record $25 Million Zimbabwe Dollars for a single US dollar yesterday, as Zimbabwe battles with the world's highest inflation, pegged at over 100,000 %"

Monday, March 3, 2008

Play Fair !!